Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
