i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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