dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
