Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
