Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
