You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
