Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My dick has a subreddit
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
