But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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