So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
