he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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