So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
