dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
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