and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
