why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize