so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
