Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
