Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
