then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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