I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
