It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
