when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
