im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
