just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
