PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Barsexuality is the new black.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm always down for nudity.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
