My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
