my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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