I can tuck mytits in my pants
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
