Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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