Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
