I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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