yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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