Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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