I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
