why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
