forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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