I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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