how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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