i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
