Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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