No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
