You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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