I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
