He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize