that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize