I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
