im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
