i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
