he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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