Yo dont text me then not text me
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
