Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize