if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
