Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
