i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
