I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
