Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just found puke in my bra..
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Houston, we have a blender
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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