Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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