trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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