She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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