Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
