So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
