I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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