If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
