i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
