either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I queefed so loud it echoed.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
