i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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