Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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