he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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