CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
he was CRYING into my vagina
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
