I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
